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There are a million feelings racing through my head right now. I have to be up at 5 a.m. (in three hours), so I figure the best way to deal with them is to list them all. Maybe I’ll find some comforting and some irrational. Either way, they’ll be out.

Things I’m afraid of:

  • Bad anesthesia reaction
  • My vocal folds getting nicked when the tube goes down my throat
  • Being nervous all morning
  • The procedure going wrong
  • Being in pain afterword
  • Not being able to eat/drink
  • Feeling like I’m going to throw up for a while
  • Taking medicine being difficult
  • Not being able to sleep at the hospital
  • Getting depressed when I’m on rest

Things I’m optimistic about:

  • The potential of getting better
  • The success rate of the procedure
  • The doctor’s track record
  • My mom being with me
  • Friends, coworkers and family being very forthcoming with positive messages
  • My own strength
  • The fact that if this doesn’t work, I’ll continue to search for answers
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