It’s 33 days post-op, and I’m officially ready to be healthy again.

However, if this experience has taught me anything, it’s that being ready for something to happen doesn’t mean a damn thing.

I feel so “busy” being busy lately. I have things to do. Plenty in fact.

But none of it is what I really want to be doing. 

They’re things I agree to because… why not? How else am I going to spend my time?

Here’s how it breaks down:
If it’s not singing, it’s something I don’t care that much about today.

And I can’t sing, so you can guess how I feel about what I’m doing right now.

Just wait. Be patient. Stay positive. 

I’m trying, but it’s not easy. 

It’s rough having no guarantee this will get better.

I won’t be mad about surgery or the year I’ve spent with doctors. I won’t be upset at the time I’ve taken to go through these necessary processes to insure my health.

All I want to know is, if not this, then what? What’s next? What else can I do? How else can I fight this?

I hope that doesn’t mean part of me has already given up. 

I’m very hopeful things will turn around. The main reason for that is I need them to. I don’t know what I’ll do if this continues. 

I’ll do whatever it takes to keep from finding out.


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