It’s officially one month until the surgery, and the weight of this condition is barring down on me.
While it’s extremely stressful, I’m proud to say I’ve come a long way.
This condition has stretched me in a lot of ways. The first time I had to go on voice rest was a huge learning experience.
I was in LA in January visiting my best friend. We talked so much the first night. My voice was completely fried by morning. No doctor told me to go on “voice rest”. I just knew it was getting bad and I had to stop talking before I did more damage.
It was so hard. I was with my best friend. We talk so much when we’re in-person, which we hadn’t been in months. Not being able to joke around and express myself was brutal.
I hit a road block when we were in the car and he was singing (ironically) to Bon Jovi. I couldn’t participate. I couldn’t have fun. It was awful.
Then it hit me. All the improv classes taught me over and over again that I have control in any situation.
You get a “shitty” endowment? Find a new way to play it.
So I started silently dancing as hard as I could and just being as goofy and overly dramatic as possible. It was so much fun. What’s more, it was such a relief.
I spent the rest of that weekend reminding myself that I have control over this. Yes, it sucks to lose your voice, but I can play this shitty endowment however I want.
I decided I want to learn from it and grow from it. Yes, I still cry and I still get depressed and feel helpless, but ultimately, I own this condition.
Now I just have to decide what that means.