Singing used to be my number one coping mechanism. The crazy thing is, I never knew it.
The urge to just belt out some Etta has come over me many times in the past few months. I always knew singing provided a release, but it wasn’t until I couldn’t get the first “Ooohhh” out in “Something’s Got a Hold on Me” that I felt the suppressed urge sit in my stomach and churn.
As the months went by, this feeling grew, along with my frustration. Finally I started looking up meditation techniques. I was so frustrated and tired of feeling like I was holding something in all the time.
That’s when I realized singing was MY meditation.
Singing, for me, is a purposeful activity that completely clears my head. Of course every time I sang wasn’t Etta-worthy. But just mindlessly humming tunes while cleaning around the house gave me something to focus on, and I always felt refreshed after. Getting me to do dishes now is a much bigger task than when I could sing.
Today I started something new – since I can’t sing, instead of being frustrated, I’m trying to focus on something more constructive. Every time I get very upset or feel negative emotions pulling, I’m trying to remind myself that my focus right now is healing. Now when I have those feelings, I’m letting myself stop and picture my throat and esophagus, and just imagining them healing.
I don’t know if it will work or help at all, but it’s certainly better than stewing in negative emotions all day long.