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Babies cry because they have things they want to say, but are unable to communicate with the world around them. Turns out, those same instincts kick in when you’re an adult.

I thought scheduling the surgery that should (80% chance it will) fix my problem would be a relief. I thought it would feel good overall. Right now I’m having trouble seeing it that way.

I won’t even be able to get an endoscopy for over a month. Then if that goes well and the doctor doesn’t find anything crazy, I can get surgery on August 7th. That’s eight weeks away. It feels like forever.

Truly this is great news. I am very lucky. Many people have to wait much longer than that for procedures they need, or they don’t have insurance, or worse, there is no cure or procedure that can help them. I’m trying not to take my situation for granted.

Still, from where I’m standing, eight weeks seems so far away. On top of that, it will take up to three months for my throat to start healing. It might be October or November before I even start to feel better. And what happens to my throat and voice in the meantime? This disease will continue to wreak havoc on my vocal cords until at least August 7th.

The hardest part is that all I want to do is talk to people about it. Talking things out has been my coping mechanism ever since I can remember. From work, to improv to how I deal with setbacks, there isn’t an aspect of my life this disease hasn’t touched.

But again, I’m lucky. I have friends, family members and coworkers who will read the silly notes I write on my white board.

 Tears

So I guess for now I’ll take Lake Street Dive’s advice and Stop My Cryin’.

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