Today I found something. I don’t know where it came from, but I’m glad it’s here.
It’s a new sense of inner strength.
I’ve felt so weak and defeated lately. Crying at the drop of a hat. Walking around feeling frustrated and confused. Upset with the world that I have to deal with this unfair thing.
I don’t know what it is about today, but I feel like a small part of me has a handle on this. And that tells me that it’s all going to be okay.
Is it the fact that I’m seeing someone semi-successfully for the first time in years? Or the fact that today is the two year anniversary of my singlehood?
I don’t know exactly why now, but it feels like this newfound strength is coming from within.
The amount and huge spectrum of emotions I experienced in April made everything feel so drawn out. I read a lyric today that read “The years have seemed short but the days were long.” Perfect description.
It’s officially May now. My body’s been begging for it for months.
I hope I continue to carry this feeling like a torch through the rest of the month and for as long as I need it.
Taking away some of the mystery about my medical options by watching this video probably helped me see things in a little more focus. Maybe it’s okay that my next doctor’s appointment is months away. That gives me time to process my options and get comfortable with the idea and financial aspect of surgery.
Again, I’m proud of myself for handling this. Here we go, adulthood! At least for now.